Poems!

Here's some poems I've written. Some of them are kinda old so I'm not really like that anymore and they're just poems so don't worry about it!

*!A Suicide Note!*
To my parents and anyone who reads this note,
Ive decided to end my life, to slit my throat.
Im sick of living, sick of all the pain.
This whole world is making me go insane.
I dont want you to be sad.
Dont be, its not all that bad.
Its not your fault I ended up hating it all.
Maybe if people cared a little more, took the time to
call.
The world seemed to spin around and drop me on the
ground.
I cant seem to get back up. Now I see, I have found.
Lifes not gonna get better, Ill always be this way,
So Ive decided its time for me to go away.
I lost everything that was keeping me here.
Now my world is empty, completely lacking cheer.
Tell Jeff that I loved him deeply so.
He was my true love, please let him know.
Tell Beth she is always going to remain my best friend.
Forever and ever, even through my end.
Tell Crystal well be friends, always,
Those were some of my best days.
Tell Eve that she was great to put up with me,
Hanging around her house for eternity.
Tell Erin Ill miss when wed laugh til we cried,
That permanent marker was never on our side.
Tell Ariana Im sorry for everything Ive done.
She was my bestest best friend, a very special one.
Tell Meg Ill always remember the times we had,
And that I could trust her through good times and
bad.
Tell Leah I didnt mean to lie,
Losing her friendship made me wanna die.
Tell Lydia thanks for being a good friend to me.
Without her friendship, I could never be.
Tell Dan that he was kinda like a brother of mine.
Hed help me when I was down, make it all fine.
Tell Brian that his dream will come true.
Thank him for being there for me, making me laugh
when I was blue.
Tell Grace she was always a special part of me.
Her friendship meant so much, I hope that she can see.
Tell Sara shes truly the best
Better than all of the rest
Tell Ashley that yes, guys suck,
And wish her the best of luck.
Tell Kate she was lots of fun.
Dont take my cd player, or youll have to run.
Tell Ishrah not to forget our schemes,
to aim high and achieve her dreams.
Here in my last moments, I wonder what I did wrong.
In my head, I hear only my sad song.
As the tears flow from my eyes, I try to stop the
pain,
Try to stop myself from going insane.
But I cant stop the urge that comes over me.
I lift the knife, miss and cut my knee.
The next time, I decide, I wont miss.
I think of my first ever kiss.
This fills me with fury, anger, rage.
Why should I feel this way at this age?
The knife heads closer to my heart.
I decide not to do it, but then fall apart.
I look up at the sky, tears falling, falling still.
I pray to God he wont think of me ill.
I feel the blade as it touches my skin,
Feel the blood gush as I push it in.
The pain makes me cry out, soft at first then loud.
I scream, What God? You think this makes me
proud?
Well youre wrong, sir, Im sorry to say.
But I just want to die today!
My head starts to feel woozy as more blood leaves
my tormented soul.
I wish I hadnt lost it all, that I could still be whole.
While I think about it, to all those people who were
mean to me,
Why couldnt you leave me alone? Im me, thats all I
can be.
Why dont you understand that? I have feelings too.
How would you feel if I talked about you?
Youre all part of the reason Im going away.
Maybe if you didnt treat my like crap, just maybe I
might stay.
But too bad for that, whats done is done.
Youve wrecked my chance at life, my only one.
I tried to live through all your jokes and disses,
And look how I end up, the one no one misses.
I guess none of you cared about me.
Great people I know, not (obviously).
I hope you all end up like I did, go through what I
went through
You see how it feels like to have people treat you like
this, for once theyll laugh at you!
Then maybe youll see how I felt and youll feel it too.
And you know, I wont feel sorry for you.
Did you feel sorry for me? Didnt think so!
You can watch me suffer then watch as I go.
Ill be off to heaven, somewhere youll never see,
Unless you stop treating people the way you treated
me.
But to all my friends, I wish you good luck.
Stay away from all those people you dont give a
fuck.
If people treat you badly, just dont listen.
Cause you dont deserve it, the only people who do
are them.
I hope you all live a perfect life,
have kids and get an amazing husband or wife.
During your life, I hope you think of me,
To know thats how unperfect life can turn out to be.
God didnt bless me with things that were good.
But he did bless you, if you dont believe me, you
should.
Youll all get everything you want and more,
Youll get good jobs, not turn out a whore.
Everything you dream and wish will come true.
But if it doesnt, dont be like me, dont kill yourself
too.
Its stupid of me to end my life like this,
But what the fuck? Im not much to miss.
I shouldnt end my life, since I have all of you.
Just what if its my dreams that never come true?
Id feel so jealous, so left out and alone.
Id hide away and never answer my phone.
Why go through life to expect all of this stuff
When I can just die now, Im not tough enough
To hold on through all the pain and fear,
Ill keep you all in my heart, keep you all near.
My family, Im sorry I never said how I felt about
you,
The truth is, you pissed me off, I despised all of you.
You treated me like a baby, made fun of me.
Its not my fault I got stuck with stupidity.
But whatever, I guess I did sort of care.
At least you fed me and clothed me while I was there.
You never knew but almost my whole life I was sad,
It was the rarest thing ever that I was glad.
If youd got me treated, made it all okay,
I might have loved you more today.
You didnt so I went on in my hate,
Flying towards my sinister fate.
Im not blaming you for me being so sad,
Or saying your parenting is bad.
Goodbye mom, dad, Hil and Jen,
I wish you all good fortune.
Ive had enough of waiting, its time, I stab myself
throught the heart,
The pain rushes through me, quick as a dart.
Slowly, I rest myself on the pavement,
Thinking of how wrong things went.
My eyes slowly start to close but through the opening
I see,
An ambulance, heading straight for me.
I want to scream, tell them to go away,
They keep coming exactly my way.
One of the people reaches me,
takes one look, but doesnt flee.
Through half closed eyes, I look up at him,
Pain rushing through each and every limb.
He says, It will be alright my dear,
Dont worry, help is here.
But he knows as well as I
That Im definetly going to die.
This is what I wanted, why do I feel regret?
Its raining out now, I start to get wet.
Onto a strecher they lift me, and drive down the road,
Screaming to each other as they lift out the load.
They pull me through the hospital doors,
Im now delirious, I see beaches and shores.
My head begins to pound and I begin to feel weak,
The visions of people, so gloomy, so bleak.
I hear voices saying, Thank God youre here sir.
All I see ahead of me is my dead future.
I think that the doctor has come to help me,
I want to tell him to let me be.
But my mouth wont open, my throat wont speak,
I let them try to achieve what they seek.
The voices dim down, down to a fade,
Should I have chosen different? Should I have stayed?
Its too late for regret or denial,
Soon my coffin will be carried down the church aisle.
I try to keep my mind thinking, not to die,
Yet it wont work, as I feel I can fly.
I close my eyes completely, sick of staring at the vent,
Think of school, the day I hid in my tent.
Picture our poem, Zander sitting on the grass.
I wonder what the people will say in class.
Will they be sad that Im no longer there?
Will they be happy, or just not care?
Pain, shooting, all over my aching soul,
I shouldnt have let myself lose control.
I feel myself become lighter, as if I could fly,
I look down, and watch myself die.
For now Im just a spirit, going on my way.
Ill watch down on you all, make sure its going okay.
As I float up, I look back, before I start to fly,
Sigh, then head into the sky.

Love, so unpredicatble

That's why I didn't want to fall

Yet now I need you so bad

I just can't control it

It's as if you're never there

Leaving an empty space at my side

Needing you every second

I know you're so far away

But it's almost like you're by my side

Holding me tightly to you

Whispering gently in my ear

I can almost taste your lips

As if you just pressed them against mine

I can feel you, so close to me

Yet your figure is indistinguishable from the surroundings

You're so warm, your hands brushing my skin lightly You speak softly, telling of your love for me

We stay forever in this moment until...

I open my eyes, turn over in my bed

To find nothing there

I am alone, you are not with me

So I close my eyes once again

And fall asleep in your arms

There's no words in the English language to describe my regret

Shouldn't have talked to you, we should have never met

I'm sick of hurting you with my dumb sick jokes and schemes

Don't know why I do it either, must come to me in my dreams

Now it's your turn to hurt me back

I'll give you a knife that's long and black

Take it in your hands and fill it with your rage

Pretend it's all a play, that we are on a stage

Raise your arm and push the knife into me

Using force so my pain is easy to see

Pull back then do it again and again Stab me until the fury is gone and then

Watch the tears flow down from my eye

As I beg your forgiveness before I die

Don't forgive me because it's not right

Just leave me there to die that night

I don't deserve the graciousness you've given me

Your friendship with me should never be

Turn and run, leave me in my sorrow

And you'll be much happier to tomorrow

How can I love you when you go and make me cry?

How can I not love you when without you I wanna die?

How can I want you when you push me away?

How can I not want you when I feel I need to stay?

How can I kiss you when to your lips lies cling?

How can I not kiss you when I know it's not just a fling?

How can I look into your eyes when I see nothing at all?

How can I not look into your eyes when a slight glare makes me fall?

How can I keep you when my mind says let him go?

How can I not keep you when my heart knows I love you so?

But I can't have you

My heart will remain shattered

Because you won't feel it too

Dream of what I want

And die a little more each day

When it all remains the same

The tears keep rolling down my cheek

For all the times we'd laugh and speak

It seemed so perfect and so right

Now I cry myself to sleep at night

It feels like my heart's been shattered and broken

As I think of I love you's that once were spoken

Now I'm just hurt and torn

I wish that I had never been born

The fears and sadness lie deep inside

How much longer can I hide

These feelings for you that are so deep

Until everything's ok, I won't have peaceful sleep

When I was young I never knew what love truly was

So many times it confused me, I guess that's what love does

It made me think I was in love though I was not

I never loved any of those guys which messed me up a lot

Then one day I finally found what love is and can be

The day I realized I loved you it finally made me see

Love's not a thing that happens very fast

And people think they are in love but it doesn't last

All I know is that love is what I feel for you

You make me complete, you make my dreams come true

You're the only one I've ever loved, cared for like I do

The only one I ever want and ever need is you

When other people fall in love they seem to want to flee

But I can't keep it inside, you're everything to me!

Why did you have to make me fall in love?

Why did you smile at me, like heaven from above?

Why do you have to make it hurt more every day?

Why'd I let you make me feel this way?

Why do you torment me all the time?

Why do you leave me heart on the line?

Why do you have to be with her?

Why does it fill me with so much anger?

Why does this feeling seem so true?

Why, tell me why, do I love you?

I wish that I could smile

That I could pretend

That I could stop crying

But it's too late now, it's over

My loved ones, my friends

But this is how it ends

I'm invisible, no one can see me

Camoflauged, and all alone

I'm sitting here crying

In a puddle of my own blood

I cry out, scream and yell

Not one head turns my way

I weep and sob, moan and groan

They still don't seem to hear

My hope wears down and then

People crowded around, looking shocked

One runs to the phone

An ambulance is coming

Finally, the love I desire

I am no longer invisible

But what's the use now

Everything turns black

I have reached the end

At least they noticed me

A soft flash of light

My eyelids flutter open

A woman opens the door in an excited rush

She calls and people come in

Smiles, relieved smiles, looking down at me

My friends and family

Just because they could've lost me

Truly I know now I am loved

I was never inivisible

Just hiding in the dark

I'm starting to go crazy

It feels like eternity since I've talked to you

Every time the phone rings, I pray to heart your voice

But it's never you, so my hope fades

Yet every time I hear that ring

My heart skips a beat

You don't know of my pain

How every time you hurt me

The Point of Existance

The world is spinning

Don't know where I'm headed

Somehow, there you were

And the world came to a halt

As our eyes locked on each other

I knew, all in that instant

Exactly where I was meant to go

My whole point of existance

You opened your mouth to speak

To say you felt it too

Gaze up at the grey sky

Slide themselves around my waist

Deeply into your eyes

Our clothes soaked through

You brush the hair from my face

Take my hands in yours

I'm wondering why I actually put up with it all

What's keeping me here?

I could just pack up my stuff

Can't figure out what makes me drop my bag

Unpack my possessions

Bear with another day in my hell

I know how to get out

But I don't truly understand how to leave

Praying for the strength

To leave it all behind

Your youngest daughter

Tarnished with neglect

Remember when you love me?

Think back a long time

My little eyes looking up at you

You smiling back at me

You haven't smiled at me since

She'll grow up good, you said

It was beginners luck

But I was sad and full of sorrow

And I'm not special as I seemed

I'm just there to you

Your anger management

Your loser, your failure

Shunted to the side when company comes

Why should I love you

And live happily here with you?

I'm gonna laugh like the pain's gone away

I'm gonna smile, make them think I'm okay

I'm gonna pretend that it's all alright

Won't let them know I cry at night

The person they'll see won't be the real me

I'm truly broken, hidden away, never to be free

But they won't see through it, they'll never know

How sad I am and how I feel so low

How many mistakes have I made in my life?

To think that you cared about me, didn't wanna cut me with a knife

How the hell could I have thought that, it's bullshit

But what, you think I actually care about it?

I fuckin hate you, I wish you were dead

Sometimes I just wanna get a gun, shoot you in the head

What fucking right do you have to make me cry?

You always do it after I try to love you, I try

What's the fucking use, there's no point at all

I'm nothing to you but I little play doll

The one that you bitch at and scream and yell

Why's it gotta be me? Holy fuck go to hell!